


Enjolras wishes...

by liliesarewhite



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Fuckbuddies, I Don't Even Know, it's really short as well, just a little drabble, or fuckenemies I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 20:45:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8342122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liliesarewhite/pseuds/liliesarewhite
Summary: Enjolras wishes he knew how he ended up like this.





	

Enjolras wishes he knew how he ended up like this. 5 minutes ago, he and Grantaire had been screaming insults at each other (and Enjolras doesn't even want to think about some of the things he had yelled in frustration, words like worthless and waste of space), with the rest of Les Amis staring in dismay. Now Grantaire was panting into Enjolras' mouth, desperately craving more, as Enjolras held his palm on the the zipper of Grantaire's jeans. They were both half-hard, in a little corridor between rooms in the Musain and anyone could interrupt at any second, would see them going at it like animals, with no impulse control between them.

Enjolras wishes he could say this was an uncommon occurrence, but the truth burned in him, the fact that hooking up with Grantaire was now one of the most natural things in the world to him. He studied, he debated, he protested, and apparently, he fucked the one person he had dubbed the most infuriating man in his life. There had been one week where he had gone to Nice to give a speech at a rally regarding transgender rights and those 7 days without Grantaire were much more difficult to stand than he would like to admit.

Enjolras wishes he didn't crave this man so much. That Grantaire's lips around a bottle didn't stir something in him, that his stupid crooked smile didn't make Enjolras' heart flutter, that every time Grantaire challenged him he didn't feel a rush of adrenaline. That Grantaire wasn't the only person Enjolras had every been attracted to, had ever felt these kind of emotions for. That the thought of Grantaire shirtless, arched back showing off his tattoos, wasn't the main thought whenever he took the edge off. That he wouldn't constantly get distracted by flashes of skin and muscles. That seeing Grantaire smoke a cigarette wouldn't make him want to grab him and put something else in his mouth.

Enjolras wishes that his thoughts weren't entirely focused on Grantaire. Every sentence, every speech he wrote, a tine voice in his head wonders whether this time Grantaire would critique him again. Enjolras had found himself hesitating before throwing clothes on, trying to figure out whether they compliment him. He has even asked Courferyac for advice choosing his outfit for one of their meetings. He had caught himself thinking, I wonder if Grantaire would enjoy this, would like this... And sometimes the more intrusive thoughts, I wonder if he actually likes me, if he feels what I feel.

Enjolras wishes that one day he would get to wake up next to Grantaire, not just be a quick fuck in a corridor or against a door. He imagines scenarios of being awoken by tiny kisses in the morning, of waking up next to someone, not alone in his room. He imagines scenarios of them cooking breakfast together, well, Grantaire cooking and laughing at Enjolras' inability to not burn most things he comes in contact with. He remembers planning this the first time they had hooked up, both extremely drunk, after a celebration of a protest. He remembers how euphoric he had felt kissing and grinding on top of Grantaire, falling asleep all messy and exhausted. And he remembers waking up, noticing that Grantaire wasn't there. And despite a negative feeling, he had still walked through the whole apartment searching, hoping he had stayed. It still burns a pit of shame in him whenever he thinks about the moment he realised Grantaire wasn't in the bathroom or in the kitchen, that he had left.

Enjolras wishes for more of Grantaire's smiles. Not even directed to him, just more of Grantaire smiling. It's such a rare concurrence that Enjolras treasures all of them, commits them to memory and tries to remember what it was that caused Grantaire to actually look happy. There was time in court that Eponine finally managed to gain custody over Gavroche and Azelma. Or that time Bahorel and Feuilly announced that they were dating, which nearly everyone suspected but no one could confirm. Or that time Cosette managed to perfect her Spanish accent with Grantaire's help. Or that time where Combeferre had graduated with the highest percentage in his year... Enjolras tries to not think about the fact that he can't think of a time when that smile was directed towards him. 

Most of all, Enjolras wishes that this would all stop. His life had been going perfectly well before he developed these feelings, before Grantaire and him started sleeping together. He wishes that one day, he wouldn't feel distress every time Grantaire said a snide comment on one of his policies or rolled his eyes when Enjolras introduced a new idea. He wishes that his heart wouldn't break every time Grantaire drunkenly flirted with someone else, every time Grantaire showed up with a new hickey, looking debauched after a night out. He wishes the feelings would go away, that he could just stop caring. He wishes it would stop hurting, he wishes he didn't care, he wishes it would stop taking up his time and patience... But most of all, he wishes for more, the one thing he knows he will never have.

Grantaire comes all over Enjolras' hand and breathes heavily into Enjolras' neck. He drops down to his knees and undoes Enjolras' zipper and Enjolras stops wishing.

He'll take whatever he can get.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I may have a lab report due in an hour. I totally didn't write this as my final form of procrastination. Nope :). Anyway, if anyone wants to talk and angst over these characters, my tumblr is: liliesarewhite.tumblr.com and I would love to talk xx.
> 
> Also, I just really want more fics with unrequited love from Enjolras. There's so many from Grantaire's perspective, which I mean I guess are more aligned with the brick but ...


End file.
